Journal

A Page Out Of

My best friend brought me a box of my old journals and writing notebooks.

A moment of clarity descended when I flipped open an old notebook and began to read, thinking I had written a fiction too fantastic and full of twists to be believed.

A few pages later, I realized it was my diary.

heavy hearted

Sometimes I wake up and my dreams linger bittersweet in my mouth. A word exchanged was too harsh, and I can't remedy it-- you can't fix things that didn't really happen.

Wine from the lilac tree...

The place I am staying is magical. Deer walked alongside with us in the cemetary, casually and taking little notice of us. I wish for large white birds and they appear, fixing on me in a crowd. Crows follow me and I find their feathers in the strangest places, weaving them into my hair as little amulets.

Sometimes I wake up and think everything is going to be just fine.

playing in the background:
half of learning how to play
is learning what not to play
and she's learning the spaces she leaves
have their own things to say
and she's trying to sing just enough
so that the air around her moves...

No Otters, No Dolphins

Squinty-eyed against a relatively calm backdrop, this is the view a few blocks from where I'm staying at the moment. (Minus the maniacal crows which are swooping angrily just out of frame.)

It must be the time of year for birds... usually there are sea otters and dolphins and whales, but the beach is bare except for frigates and crows.

My theory is that the birds are readying for a mass attack.

slaloming through life

I posted this somewhere in my site years ago, and I just came across it by accident. I think it applies more now than ever.

when we let Spirit
lead us
it is impossible
to know
Where
we are being led
All we know
all we can believe
All we can hope
is that
We are going
Home
That wherever
Spirit
takes us
is where
We
Live.

-alice walker

Three Little Birds

Yesterday the strangest thing happened.

I walked to the ocean, and on the way, I passed a little bus stop, with three crows perched on the telephone wire above. When they saw me they began cawing loudly, and began to circle. I thought this was terribly neat-- crows are great, and magical shrieking crows are lovely.

And then.

One of them swooped down to attack me.

It missed me by a few feet. I walked to the end of lover's point, a jutting out bit of rock over the ocean, and they followed me the entire three blocks there. Tree to tree, and eventually rock to rock, cawing, and shrieking, and swooping towards my head.

I asked them what they wanted, and of course, they didn't answer. Eventually I told them I knew people versed in the ways of hostile birds, and would call for reinforcements if they attacked me again. And they stopped. And fell silent. And eerily, followed me the three blocks back to the bus stop, without making a sound.

At the bus stop, the three crows perched back on the wire, and silently watched me walk away back to my little guest house.

Boxes

My world is a strange assortment of cardboard and packing tape, and it's a wonder how often one doesn't post once one's life gets complicated.

My dreams are tormenting me. Every small shiny thing that brings me solace gets twisted in the anxiety of sleep. For example, I bought an iPod, a little pink one, which is bringing me no end of joy. And during a dream a few nights ago, it's as if my brain went: Ooh, yes, what a lovely iPod. But what if.. your iPod went EVIL??? Then I commenced in having a dream where we couldn't say any personal things around our iPods, especially not birthdates, because the Evil iPods would catalog that information and use it against us. And the iPods, of course, were everywhere.

A little mermaid told me recently that I am in the IMDB. Which I think is no end of odd. My mission now is to figure out how to add as many strange and erroneous references to my vast film career as possible.

Homeless

This morning I walked with Miss Sarah to the nearby cafe in our pajamas. Hurrah!